I don’t know what happened to me. I became an emotional wreck, & there was only one way to turn off my emotions. Drugs. I fell into the trap, became dependent. Now I have 25 days. My parents think that in 25 days it’s my birthday & that’s all it is, but to me there is another event that’s significant. When my brother is gonna come to take me away. To take me away from myself & my lack of self control. Rehabilitation. I can’t believe I’ve fallen so far that I know there is no other option other then to go somewhere far away & get locked up. I know it’s the only option since I subconsciously spent 700$ on drugs w/o even being fully aware of it. So far to the point that I went to the bank & found out I was broke & I didn’t even believe it. Wtfuck how did it get to this. I mean I’m not stressing about the cash I have 2 more paychecks comming in that is gonna total almost 2k, but the realization that I have no control just wow. As soon as a couple days go by sober my thoughts start bothering me. You appear in my dreams, I think about it when I’m in the shower & I know I have to shut you off or else I’m gonna snap. That’s why I lost. That’s why I’m fucked & my options are out. There’s no more lying to myself. I have to leave, to get away, & to start anew. I thought I was strong enough but I’ve been living a double life. Working appearing normal in front of people & having my secret pleasures on the other side. I fucking hate it. When I look at myself I’m like what have I become. I don’t care how I dress anymore I wear the same plain hoodie for the last 2 weeks. What happened to me? It’s over for me I’m gonna have to just deal w/ it. It’s time I payed for my sins. Lord give me strength for I have none.