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O how the mighty have fallen.

I don’t know what happened to me. I became an emotional wreck, & there was only one way to turn off my emotions. Drugs. I fell into the trap, became dependent. Now I have 25 days. My parents think that in 25 days it’s my birthday & that’s all it is, but to me there is another event that’s significant. When my brother is gonna come to take me away. To take me away from myself & my lack of self control. Rehabilitation. I can’t believe I’ve fallen so far that I know there is no other option other then to go somewhere far away & get locked up. I know it’s the only option since I subconsciously spent 700$ on drugs w/o even being fully aware of it. So far to the point that I went to the bank & found out I was broke & I didn’t even believe it. Wtfuck how did it get to this. I mean I’m not stressing about the cash I have 2 more paychecks comming in that is gonna total almost 2k, but the realization that I have no control just wow. As soon as a couple days go by sober my thoughts start bothering me. You appear in my dreams, I think about it when I’m in the shower & I know I have to shut you off or else I’m gonna snap. That’s why I lost. That’s why I’m fucked & my options are out. There’s no more lying to myself. I have to leave, to get away, & to start anew. I thought I was strong enough but I’ve been living a double life. Working appearing normal in front of people & having my secret pleasures on the other side. I fucking hate it. When I look at myself I’m like what have I become. I don’t care how I dress anymore I wear the same plain hoodie for the last 2 weeks. What happened to me? It’s over for me I’m gonna have to just deal w/ it. It’s time I payed for my sins. Lord give me strength for I have none.

09.01.14 0
08.30.14 3602
08.30.14 3131
Mikhail & Shelly

So I was watching “I (almost) Got away w/ it” on Netflix. I was on episode 2 season 1 & there is this couple that got divorced in Mt. Vernon. Super close to Seattle. To my surprise the Girl was named Michelle but they called her “Shelly” through out the episode. & I was like ” wow what a coincidence” & then I continued to watch the episode & the guys name is Micheal! I was like wtfuck! Micheal murdered Shelly when they divorced because she was seeing some other guy & he got jealous. I can’t believe the coincidence. This happened in 1993 before I was even born. Of course I’m not mad anymore & I’m over it but this episode made me think about Shelly who I haven’t spoke to since 06/29/14 when I said happy birthday. Such a weird episode. I hope our paths cross again but right now I am focusing on getting my life straight so I know it’s not time. One day I hope you’ll see me all grown up & changed for the better.

08.28.14 0

If I invite you to do something then it’s like me inviting you to my party. If you come late and it’s over I don’t care. I’m not gonna wait 4 you. You’re not the guess of honor bitch I AM

08.27.14 1
Came up to this chick like

"Get up out your seat you can have my drink let me see you dance. Get up on your feet you can be my freak let me see you dance."

08.23.14 0

I didn’t realize hero rots your teeth. I mean I knew it but I didn’t think it was worse the cigarettes. Lately though when I’ve been brushing my teeth I’ve been bleeding a lot. Like a lot a lot of blood in my spit. Scared the fuck out of me.

08.23.14 0
I am so lucky.

I have 3 fathers technically. My biological dad, my father in Heaven & Mike my mentor. My best friends lack even 1 dad but I have 3 how content I feel that whenever I have a problem I can go to either of them & get their perspective & advice. Thank you God for looking out for me more then I deserve.

08.21.14 0
Why am I looking for love?

Why am I still searching, as if you’re not enough.

08.21.14 0
Wtheck is going on

A intoxicated driver drove through my sisters front yard and knocked over a street sign, drove over 2 fences and drove off. The cops found the ditched car & this white boy was smart enough to wipe down the steering wheel but not get his registration and license out of the car. I was so worried because my nephews were playing in the front yard minutes before this happened they could have been killed. Thank you God for averting yet another tragedy.

08.10.14 0